Posts Tagged ‘The Onion’

“Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny’s”

June 10, 2009

The Onion News Network scoops the competition once again.

Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.

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“The Astounding World of the Future”

June 10, 2009

See this recently unearthed film from the 1950’s detailing what life would be like in the year 2000.  Such persepective it offers. Winner of the New York Comedy Film Festival’s “Best Short Film” award.

NCAA Expands March Madness to 4096 teams

March 10, 2009

Now that’s some serious madness.

Are Violent Video Games Preparing Kids for the Apocalypse?

March 2, 2009

Certainly worthy of discussion.  The Onion News Network is on it….

FDA Approves Depressant Drug for Annoyingly Cheerful

February 12, 2009

I love The Onion.  A few NSFW words.

Balloonist who crossed U.S. won’t shut up about the abuse of horses.

January 12, 2009

Another hard-hitting report from The Onion News Network. Ballooning should be fun, but this guy just keeps going on and on about the abuse of horses……

Attractive Girls Union refuses to talk with Mike Greenman

January 4, 2009

Hard-hitting coverage from The Onion News Network.  Mike Greenman isn’t making any inroads with the Attractive Girls Union (AGU).  Footage and analysis from the press conference.  1 NSFW word around the 3:00 mark.  Very funny stuff.

From The Onion: Parent Mad 6-Year-Old Didn’t Like Peanuts Special

December 21, 2008

Parent Mad 6-Year-Old Didn’t Like Peanuts Special

December 19, 2001 | Issue 37•46

ROSE HILL, VA—Bruce Pillard, 34, was angered Tuesday over his 6-year-old daughter’s indifferent reaction to A Charlie Brown Christmas. “That show is a classic and an annual tradition!” an incensed Pillard told daughter Courtney after watching the program on CBS. “It is not ‘boring,’ and the voices do not sound ‘weird.’ What the hell is wrong with you?” Courtney was sent to her room for the remainder of the evening.

Oh how The Chum Master loves The Onion.

From The Onion: Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between ‘One Man And One Wolfman’

December 18, 2008

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December 17, 2008 | Issue 44•51

SACRAMENTO, CA—Activists on both sides of the gay marriage debate were shocked this November, when a typographical error in California’s Proposition 8 changed the state constitution to restrict marriage to a union between “one man and one wolfman,” instantly nullifying every marriage except those comprised of an adult male and his lycanthrope partner. “The people of California made their voices heard today, and reaffirmed our age-old belief that the only union sanctioned in God’s eyes is the union between a man and another man possessed by an ungodly lupine curse,” state Sen. Tim McClintock said at a hastily organized rally celebrating passage of the new law. But opponents, including Bakersfield resident Patricia Millard—who is now legally banned from marrying her boyfriend, a human, non-wolfman male—claim it infringes on their civil liberties. “I love James just as much as a wolfman loves his husband,” Millard said. “We deserve the same rights as any horrifying mythical abomination.” On the heels of the historic typo, voters in Utah passed a similar referendum a week later, defining marriage as between one man and 23 wolfmen.

Courtesy of Jon via The Onion

YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A ‘Good’ Video

November 19, 2008

The Onion News Network brings the exclusive news of an exciting Youtube contest that will award $100,000.00 to the winner. Details below.