The Onion News Network scoops the competition once again.
Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.
Posts Tagged ‘Politics’
Gifts for people you don’t like: McCain (in)Action figures. Bonus: free Obama bobblehead thrown in.
November 7, 2008Special offer for those of you looking to get your McCain (in)Action figures. Act now and you’ll get a free Obama bobblehead thrown in. User submission, so no context, but seriously, would you actually buy one anyway? Sent in by Izzy.
**Your Daily Chum Special Offer**
Order now and we’ll throw in the limited edition McCain figure below. This special figurine, “Post-Concession Speech” comes from the “Restraining the Maverick” collection and intimately captures the moments immediately following McCain’s speech to his sheeple after losing to Barack Obama in the U.S. Presidential election. Limited quantities remain of other top-sellers from the “Restraining the Maverick” series: “F**king Child Looked at Me Funny” and “McCain Spots the Nuclear Suitcase.” Act now and bring home these collectibles today!
Sarah Palin Action Figures Available Now
September 9, 2008
Hero Builders bring you the Sarah Palin action figure. Comes with hunting rifle and baby carriage.
The Republicrats-A new party for the people, of the people. Their candidate doesn’t give a shit about anything…or does he? It’s all up to you!
August 25, 2008
The Republicrats: They’ll do exactly what you tell them to. In fact, they’re soliciting videos from supporters. Candidate Sean Masterson readily admits he has no idea what he’s doing. Also, he’s actively seeking a First Lady with one caveat: no virgins. Check out some of their videos below. Meet the Presidential candidate and his staff. Funny stuff.
Official Republicrats website.
Introducing the Republicrats
Wanted-Republicrats First Lady (No virgins)
Meet Donna White-Republicrat Fund Raiser (hoping for a dead hooker to turn up in the other candidates hotel room)
Meet Lisa Zak-Republicrat Press Secretary (She won Miss Teen Texas at age 22)
As the election heats up, 1 question remains: Which Star Wars character should you vote for?
August 8, 2008
All of those designs above can be put on assorted paraphernalia: tshirts, mugs, etc. Me personally…..I’m voting for Vader if, for nothing else, you know he’ll stick to his guns…saber…whatever. Point is, if the man says he’ll crush the opposition’s throats, you know he’s being quite literal, public opinion polls be damned. Statesmen of principle are a rare thing these days.
Thanks to Geekologie for running this story. Order some of the above designs on your product of choice at Star Wars Election ’08.
A sign of (hopefully) things to come: Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick ordered to jail for violated terms of his bond
August 7, 2008***Update-Friday, 8/8/08-Michigan’s attorney general says he’s bringing assault charges against Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick after the mayor had a physical confrontation with a detective trying to deliver a subpoena.
The mayor faces two counts of assaulting or obstructing a police officer in the furtherance of their duties. Each felony count brings up to 2 years in prison or a fine of $2,000.***
Kwame, Kwame, Kwame, can’t you see
Dirty text got you up in perjury……..
That’s just a little ditty I’m working on. I’m still trying to get the Biggie Smalls’ estate to let me sample “Hypnotize” and I’ll have a hit on my hands for sure.
Anyway, Detroit’s Mayoral Douchebag, Kwame Kilpatrick violated his bond and is on his way to jail.
DETROIT (AP) — Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, charged with perjury and other felonies for his testimony in a civil trial, was ordered to jail Thursday because he violated his bond by taking a quick trip to Canada without notifying authorities.
Kilpatrick apologized and acknowledged that he made a mistake when he visited Windsor, Ontario, minutes away from Detroit, for city business last month. But 36th District Court Judge Ronald Giles was not moved, saying he needed to treat the mayor like any other defendant.
“What matters to me … is how the court overall is perceived and how if it was not Kwame Kilpatrick sitting in that seat, if it was John Six-Pack sitting in that seat, what would I do? And that answer is simple,” Giles said.
Lest you lose track, Kwame will also find out Friday morning if Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox will press charges against the “mayor” for assault on a detective that attempted to serve Kilpatrick a subpoena. Kwame’s attorney thinks an assault charge against his client is “a done deal.”
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