Posts Tagged ‘Jesus’

“The Renewed Mind is the Key”-bad Christian Music Capped off with Bad Dancing

September 11, 2008

You’ll want to make sure you have the volume up.  The music+choreography=comedy gold.

Extra special thanks to The House of Hunt for posting this one.

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From “The Onion”-Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain

September 9, 2008

DAYTON, TN—A steady stream of devoted evolutionists continued to gather in this small Tennessee town today to witness what many believe is an image of Charles Darwin—author of The Origin Of Species and founder of the modern evolutionary movement—made manifest on a concrete wall in downtown Dayton.

“I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that the power of Darwin can purify her genetic makeup of undesirable inherited traits,” said Darlene Freiberg, one among a growing crowd assembled here to see the mysterious stain, which appeared last Monday on one side of the Rhea County Courthouse. The building was also the location of the famed “Scopes Monkey Trial” and is widely considered one of Darwinism’s holiest sites. “Forgive me, O Charles, for ever doubting your Divine Evolution. After seeing this miracle of limestone pigmentation with my own eyes, my faith in empirical reasoning will never again be tested.”

Added Freiberg, “Behold the power and glory of the scientific method!”

Since witnesses first reported the unexplained marking—which appears to resemble a 19th-century male figure with a high forehead and large beard—this normally quiet town has become a hotbed of biological zealotry. Thousands of pilgrims from as far away as Berkeley’s paleoanthropology department have flocked to the site to lay wreaths of flowers, light devotional candles, read aloud from Darwin’s works, and otherwise pay homage to the mysterious blue-green stain.

Capitalizing on the influx of empirical believers, street vendors have sprung up across Dayton, selling evolutionary relics and artwork to the thousands of pilgrims waiting to catch a glimpse of the image. Available for sale are everything from small wooden shards alleged to be fragments of the “One True Beagle”—the research vessel on which Darwin made his legendary voyage to the Galapagos Islands—to lecture notes purportedly touched by English evolutionist Alfred Russel Wallace.

“I have never felt closer to Darwin’s ideas,” said zoologist Fred Granger, who waited in line for 16 hours to view the stain. “May his name be praised and his theories on natural selection echo in all the halls of naturalistic observation forever.”

Despite the enthusiasm the so-called “Darwin Smudge” has generated among the evolutionary faithful, disagreement remains as to its origin. Some believe the image is actually closer to the visage of Stephen Jay Gould, longtime columnist for Natural History magazine and originator of the theory of punctuated equilibrium, and is therefore proof of rapid cladogenesis. A smaller minority contend it is the face of Carl Sagan, and should be viewed as a warning to those nonbelievers who have not yet seen his hit PBS series Cosmos: A Personal Voyage.

Still others have attempted to discredit the miracle entirely, claiming that there are several alternate explanations for the appearance of the unexplained discoloration.

“It’s a stain on a wall, and nothing more,” said the Rev. Clement McCoy, a professor at Oral Roberts University and prominent opponent of evolutionary theory. “Anything else is the delusional fantasy of a fanatical evolutionist mindset that sees only what it wishes to see in the hopes of validating a baseless, illogical belief system. I only hope these heretics see the error of their ways before our Most Powerful God smites them all in His vengeance.”

But those who have made the long journey to Dayton remain steadfast in their belief that natural selection—a process by which certain genes are favored over others less conducive to survival—is the one and only creator of life as we know it. This stain, they claim, is the proof they have been waiting for.

“To those who would deny that genetic drift is responsible for a branching evolutionary tree of increasing biodiversity amid changing ecosystems, we say, ‘Look upon the face of Darwin!'” said Jeanette Cosgrove, who, along with members of her microbiology class, has maintained a candlelight vigil at the site for the past 72 hours.

“Over millions of successive generations, a specific subvariant of one species of slime mold adapted to this particular concrete wall, in order to one day form this stain, and thus make manifest this vision of Darwin’s glorious countenance,” Cosgrove said, overcome with emotion.

“It’s a miracle,” she added.

Having finally grown tired of Jesus making public appearances in food, Allah steps up to the plate.

July 23, 2008

(The gristle spells out the word “Allah” in Arabic)

Source

Diners have been flocking to a restaurant in northern Nigeria to see pieces of meat which the owner says are inscribed with the name of Allah.

What looks like the Arabic word for God and the name of the prophet Muhammad were discovered in pieces of beef by a diner in Birnin Kebbi.

He was about to eat it, when he suddenly noticed the words in the gristle, the restaurant owner said.

A search of the kitchen’s meat revealed three more pieces which bore the names.

The meat was boiled and then fried before being served, owner Kabiru Haliru told newspaper Weekly Trust.

“When the writings were discovered there were some Islamic scholars who come and eat here and they all commented that it was a sign to show that Islam is the only true religion for mankind,” he said.

The restaurant has kept the pieces of meat for visitors to see.

Thousands of people have already gone to the restaurant to see them since they were discovered last week.

A vet told the newspaper the words “defied scientific explanation”.

“Supposing only one piece of meat was found then it would be suspicious, but given the circumstances there is no explanation,” Dr Yakubu Dominic said.

John Lennon on Jesus-“I’m one of Christ’s biggest fans.”

July 14, 2008

(I know Jesus wasn’t European looking, so don’t bother getting riled up)

John Lennon, famous for singing, “Imagine there’s no heaven,” is now said to have been “on the side of Christ,” according to his own words recently unearthed from a long-lost radio interview.

“I’m one of Christ’s biggest fans,” the Beatles’ songwriter is heard to say in a 1969 interview with Ken Seymour of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. “And if I can turn the focus on the Beatles on to Christ’s message, then that’s what we’re here to do.”

The interview with startling words from a man long-considered to be hostile to Christianity was bought three years ago by National Museums Liverpool, a museum complex headquartered in Liverpool, England, the city of Lennon’s birth. According to the London Telegraph, the museum is playing an extract of the interview at its World Museum Liverpool venue.

Lennon drew international headlines for proclaiming in a March 4, 1966, interview in the London Evening Standard, “Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I do not know what will go first, rock ‘n’ roll or Christianity. We’re more popular than Jesus now.”

In America, Lennon’s words sparked a fury of backlash from Christians, some of whom protested by burning Beatles records or blacklisting the group’s songs from radio stations. Ripples of the quote could be heard in a 1994 song by Christian singer Charlie Peacock, who sang, referring to Christianity’s expectation of Christ’s Second Coming, “The multitudes are waiting, waiting on pins and needles, for the one more famous than the Beatles.”

In the newly released interview, however, Lennon says his famous popularity quote was misunderstood. “It’s just an expression meaning the Beatles seem to me to have more influence over youth than Christ,” he said. “Now I wasn’t saying that was a good idea, ‘cos I’m one of Christ’s biggest fans.”

According to the Telegraph, Lennon’s words in the 1969 interview blame “hypocrites” for being too “uptight” in their reaction to his popularity boast.

In the newly released interview Lennon said, “If the Beatles get on the side of Christ, which they always were, and let people know that, then maybe the churches won’t be full, but there’ll be a lot of Christians dancing in the dance halls. Whatever they celebrate, God and Christ, I don’t think it matters as long as they’re aware of Him and His message.”

Two years after the interview, Lennon again released a song, “Imagine,” that drew the ire of churchgoers. The song contains the lyrics, “Imagine there’s no heaven; it’s easy if you try. … Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too.”

Now, the recovered 1969 interview may shed some light on Lennon’s thoughts behind the famous song.

“I haven’t got any sort of dream of a physical heaven where there’s lots of chocolate and pretty women in nightgowns, playing harps,” he said. “I believe you can make heaven within your own mind. The kingdom of heaven is within you, Christ said, and I believe that.”

Lennon gave interviewer Ken Seymour some background on his aversion to institutional religion, telling the story of a vicar who banned him from church when he was 14 for “having the giggles.”

“I wasn’t convinced of the vicar’s sincerity anyway,” Lennon said. “But I knew it was the house of God. So I went along for that and the atmosphere always made me feel emotional and religious or whatever you call it.

“Being thrown out of the church for laughing was the end of the church for me.”

His frustration with the church apparently continued, when, just a few months before the interview he married artist Yoko Ono after divorcing his first wife.

“I would have liked to have been married in a church,” he said in the interview, “but they wouldn’t marry divorcees. … That’s pure hypocrisy.”

Lennon repeated the word “hypocrisy” several times in the interview, including it in his reason for avoiding church as a place of prayer. “Community praying is probably very powerful. … I’m just against the hypocrisy and the hat-wearing and the socializing and the tea parties,” he said.

Source

God loves us all. Even those of us with bizarre, hidden personalities that we sing duets with.

June 4, 2008

Ok, it just seems like a mulleted gent singing at first. Then it happens…at 1:08 of the video. <shivers>

Get high on Jesus-I don’t think this is what they meant by “rock” of salvation.

June 1, 2008

(image from Viewimages.com)

Mexico drug smugglers make Jesus statue of cocaine

NUEVO LAREDO, Mexico (Reuters) – U.S. customs officials have seized a statue of Jesus Christ made from plaster mixed with cocaine — the latest sophisticated attempt to smuggle drugs from Mexico.

Sniffer dogs at the border crossing in Laredo, Texas, alerted officials to the smell of narcotics in the 6.6 pound (3 kilo) statue, which was in the trunk of a car being driven by a Mexican woman into the United States last week.

“The statue tested positive for cocaine,” Nancy Herrera, an official at the U.S. Attorney’s Office Southern District of Texas said on Friday.

U.S. border police arrested a 61-year-old Mexican man accused of offering the woman $80 to carry the statue to the bus station in downtown Laredo.

The woman escaped back to Mexico, Herrera said.

Tighter U.S. security and Mexico’s deployment of thousands of soldiers along the border are pushing smugglers to try increasingly sophisticated techniques like hiding drugs in sealed beer cans, U.S. officials say.

The average price of a gram of pure cocaine in the United States is around $130, according to U.S. government data.

(Reporting by Robin Emmott) Original article