“Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny’s”

The Onion News Network scoops the competition once again.

Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.

Public Service Announcements from the Swine flu of 1976-Somehow the world didn’t end then either

Keep in mind, while watching this, that there was 1 death from the swine flu of 1976, and 30+ deaths from the swine flu shot. Back in 1976, the U.S. government had to produce these ominous public service announcements on their own.  These days, the media handles that part of it.

Swine flu “Patient Zero” finally identified.

The Chum Master thinks the swine flu is yet another overhyped, media-driven pseudo crisis, but even he had to chuckle at the above image.

Thanks to Mikey for sending this in.

How to make the news more intersting: Auto-Tune

Auto-Tune certainly would help the news sound a lot more interesting.

Attractive Girls Union refuses to talk with Mike Greenman

Hard-hitting coverage from The Onion News Network.  Mike Greenman isn’t making any inroads with the Attractive Girls Union (AGU).  Footage and analysis from the press conference.  1 NSFW word around the 3:00 mark.  Very funny stuff.

Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?

“If you love America, you throw money in its hole.” The Onion News Network poses questions

Via Izzy, who would prefer you dump that money in his backyard instead to feed his addiction to the Detroit Lions.

Obama win causes obsessive backers to realize how empty their lives are.

Got to love The Onion…

Obama Vows to Stop America’s Shitty Jobs From Going Overseas

Brad Garrett Tries to Offend Entire Cast and Crew of “Fox and Friends”

Oh man, this is funny stuff. I love equal opportunity offenders. A bit long, but he offends the whole way through.

Geraldo Rivera Takes on Hurricane Ike-Ike Wins