Steve the Drunken Lawnmower Man

“My wife said if I didn’t get her another beer, she was going to stab me in the face.”   Fair enough.

Please celebrate Halloween responsibly.

Unlike our friend below, Jack.  Learn from his bad example.  Moderation is key in all things.

A few too many drinks……

Can result in a very, very long night.

When Celebrities blog: Courtney Love’s Latest Myspace entry

If I was a celebrity, I’d have a full time assistant to handle many of my duties. Said assistant’s principal duty would be to save me from myself. Exhibit A: Courtney Love’s blog. Keep in mind, this part listed here is all ONE SENTENCE. Hit the link below for the rest of the babble.

Monday, September 08, 2008

How was russell?

i didnt go to the “VMAS” as we used to call them but theyve gotten so fucking Urban i dont know i guess Van Toffler thought ( hes an exec at MTV ) he was being edgy and he WAS by letting my darkling prince Brand host the mtv awards- but theyre not the “VMAS” and they never will be again – i had ZERO desire to watch let alone go and thats one of my very favourite people ive ever known or had the honour of being friends and fiends with hosting it so i feel horribly rude that my desire not to watch assholes with chastity rings- oh for fucks sake ive had some great conversations but not ONE has ever ended in an Orgasm, y’all need some pussy and some cock and shut the hell up- i say this after spending a lovely lovely LOVELY evening with a new friend- friend of Diablos actually’s fathers birthday mostly i sat with his parents and just fell utterly in love i wish they were MY parents- no wonder he directs brilliant horror movies- he has had a pretty perfect life- these two were seriously the nicest parents ive ever met- prettty much- plus i like him alot- but thats enough of my personal life i downloaded every one of Conor Obersts lyrics and read them all ALL straight thru – very impressive- very sexual in a very dark and lyrical no pun intended, way- i actual;ly do sing the word LOVE in the proper context for once in my life on this record- i didnt even choke on my bile when singing it- my gall my biluous misanthropy mysonginay and general isms that im so densely full of i just know i like to write lyrics with my rhyming dictionary and thesaurus on one side of the table- Yeats and Rilke to the other ( Ive passed….WAY passed Fluers De Mal thats for rock writing 101) and listen to people who sing words well who challlenge me and not ONLY will i HAPPILY stick up the 854,000 dollars in American Express Fraud Bills Ryan Assams knowingly used tomake that piece of utter shite- and im repeating myself but tonight this morning my Ipods on shuffle and right after the excellent excellent Bright Eyes song about the you know”i wanna lover who doesnt give a fuck…where is the kid with the chemicals” that one- its beautifully demented that song was a fucking shit shit faux country crap song about trains and longing for Jacksonville, NO NO NO it could NOT BE- i pressed the little button on my Ipod fucking a! Ryan with a cowboy hat or something on..oh just singing BULLSHIT-= hes just not being truthful-= in fact hes so fucking mediocre hes the Dave Grohl of the would be Dylans and hey im one, just cos im a little batshit doesnt mean im not going for the prize- I was ALL ready to finally do my Dylan Rite of Passage cover and its just not meaningful in the context of the dizzying amount of songs we already have and the lyrical challenges that face me i mean to aim for absouloute perfection = and see Bright Eyes – he wraps the melodies about his words- i do not do that i have the melodies first and scat my way thru and see what comes out of me- GOD I DO HAVE A FANTASTIC JOB! my matrices may scatter and shed skins off the red snakes crawling in my sobbing dense demonic hell of self loathing and tossed off Chanel and an Ossie Clarke jumpsuit that i swear to God is the coolest thing ive ever seen-= i have to get it for Noel Fielding- will he really truly appreciate the Pallenberg of this blackthin jersey jumpsuit witha neckplunge down to THERE and a bouncy sac? actually yes- there Noel if you can turn on a computer you just found your christmas present and since im Crashing Guildeford for Xmas anyways- i guess i better be bringing a good present.

Read the rest of the blog here.

UK pop singer Lily Allen+free champagne+GQ awards show=win for the rest of us

Miss Allen, who apparently is some sort of star somewhere, had more than her fair share of champagne while co-hosting the GQ Awards with Elton John.  Fun stuff.

Obligatory summer story: Man charged with DUI while on riding lawnmower

NORTH POLE, Alaska – Alaska State Troopers used lights and sirens to apprehend a North Pole man suspected of driving under the influence after he allegedly led them on a slow-speed chase that covered several lawns.
Sunday’s pursuit lasted about 200 feet and reached speeds of up to 5 mph before a trooper got out of a cruiser and told the man to stop.

Troopers received a call early Sunday complaining of an intoxicated man driving a mower. They said Wyatt Lewis’s blood-alcohol content was 0.18 percent, more than twice the legal limit of 0.08 percent.

Driving a lawnmower while drunk qualifies for a DUI charge. Lewis was also charged with failure to stop at the direction of a peace officer.

No phone number was listed for Lewis in North Pole and a message left with the Fairbanks Correctional Center on Tuesday was not immediately returned.

Source

“My wife said if I didn’t get her another beer she was going to stab me in the face.” Best DUI on a lawnmower EVER.

Man gets stuck inside porta-potty……and not just in the door, but in the waste receptacle.

A man gets drunk and goes into a portable toilet and takes his clothes off. And then it gets weird…..

(AP) Rescue crews had to cut apart a portable toilet to rescue a man who got stuck naked inside the potty.

Authorities say 31-year-old Shannon Hunter, of Lebanon, Pa., used his cell phone to call 911 on Sunday from inside a portable toilet.

Police say Hunter had been drinking and had taken off his clothes. Somehow, he immersed himself in the holding tank.

Deputy fire commissioner Chris Miller told WPMT-TV, “I’ve been on the job in one form or fashion for 21 years, and this is the first port-a-potty rescue I’ve ever had.”

Police charged Hunter with public drunkenness and creating a health code violation, but they have no idea why he was in the toilet with his clothes off. They say he didn’t suffer any serious injuries.

Source

Top 5 worst ways to get drunk

They’re all nasty, and one you can even brew in your toilet. Mmmmmmmm……dirty martini……

So, please click on the link. See, my car ran out of gas and I just need a few dollars so I can take my mama to the doctor, buy my kid diapers, and fill my children’s prescriptions………(sucka)

Fan wants in on the action at Fenway Park

Unrelated to this clip: Yankees suck.