Posts Tagged ‘brooklyn’

The last will and testament which will trump all others

August 27, 2008

Let’s hear it for some straight up honesty mixed with a sense of humor.

From the New York Post:

They were bitter to the end – and beyond.

A Brooklyn couple slain in their home last month spoke from the grave in drafted last wills, leaving a bizarre legacy for unloved ones they detested in life.

“To my brother who I know hopes to be in my will, well, here you are,” chided Mark Schwartz, 50, as he bequeathed nothing to his estranged sibling, Robert, in an unsigned April 2006 draft.

In an earlier version, Schwartz had already left his brother “the sum of zero ($0.00) Dollars,” zinging, “I believe this sum is fitting, as you are probably the most greedy person I know.

“With respect to the will dated April/May 1995, . . . believe me, it’s worthless, and just in case, I expressly void again,” Schwartz said. “You are probably screaming and yelling by now.

But, “Robert, brothers are supposed to want each other to be the most they can be and make the most money they can. You, on the other hand, just sat in judgment of me and were always jealous.

“I, on the other hand, only wished you the best and to win the lottery.

“So, Robert, you have a choice, you can come to my grave site to say hello out of love or piss on me for not giving you money.”

Schwartz’s wife, Christina-Maria Petrowski-Schwartz, 48, first expressed her love for her children, Melissa and Nicholas. She then took an apparent shot at her first husband, James, leaving him no cash but decreeing that a “gift” of $10,000 be made in his name to a battered-women’s shelter.

Her ex declined comment last night.

Her own family – with the exception of a favored brother, Christian – fared little better.

“With regard to my estranged family who were never there for myself or my children, but always there for their distorted version of Catholicism, I give and bequeath the sum of $1 each to my” mother, father, two brothers and sister “and request that they donate same to their precious church to whom they had a greater allegiance, than to their first child and sister.”

In several drafts, Schwartz lays out his wish to be outfitted in scuba gear “and cast over the side of a vessel into the ocean where my body may rest undisturbed by any person[s] in the deep.”

“Although I recognize that this request may very well violate certain . . . laws of the State of New York and Federal as well as multiple other jurisdictions, I trust that my Executor and friends will ignore same,” he wrote, adding that his estate could be used to pay for any legal problems.

In a later draft, he urges his friends – should burial at sea be impossible – to come up with something befitting his character.

“Perhaps a beach party with strip[p]ers,” he wrote.

Schwartz also lays out $25,000 for each of two friends – Steven Rezac and Peter Klages – but cautions them not to tell their spouses.

“This gift is conditioned upon each of them not telling their respective wives of said gift so they may not get their hands on same,” Schwartz decreed.

Schwartz and Petrowski-Schwartz were found shot dead in their home on July 16. Cops said the estranged brother is not a suspect.

Because none of the draft wills is a signed original, none is expected to have any legal bearing.

Robert Delvicario, a friend of the couple, was named executor, given $50,000 and left Schwartz’s collection of guns and knives. Police sources have named Delvicario as a person of interest, but he has not been charged and has strongly denied involvement.

One possible reference to him in the 1995 draft, however, may be chillingly ironic.

“In the event my friends [brothers] fail to provide me with a burial befitting my character, then and in that event, I curse each one of them as follows,” Schwartz wrote.

“To Boom Boom, the electricity never be on when you need it; to TR, never will any of your radios work again”

Then, possibly addressing Delvicario specifically, he wrote: “To Bobby, never will your gun shoot when you need it.”

Air Guitar 2008 Regionals in Brooklyn, NY: Winner loses a toe

July 19, 2008

Now that’s some dedication. Apparently, contestant Bettie B. Goode really needed that extra push to win the Regional final.

The second round saw some solid routines – my favorite was Fender Splendor, until Shreddy Mercury absolutely lit it up with a routine that may or may not have given me a boner. Then, it happened. Bettie B. Goode started her routine by jumping off the stairs you take to get from backstage to on-stage. She promptly ran up to the balcony, climbed over the railing, onto the plexi-glass awning above the soundbooth that is, presumably, there to prevent drinks from the balcony falling on the sound equipment – that is to say, not meant to support the weight of a full-grown human being, no matter how slight or dainty her build. Bettie then ran over to the judge’s table where we all got a good look at her pinky toe, which by then, was broken in half, bleeding, with white bone showing. She beat out the two technically superior contestants, but I mean… Bone was showing. She was declared the winner and promptly whisked away to the emergency room. Which just goes to show… In Air Guitar, sometimes when you win, you actually… are insane.

Did I mention bone was showing?

Read more at the U.S. Air Guitar’s Official Blog of the U.S. Air Guitar Championships

Check out Lance the Shred’s performance from the competition to get an idea of what Air Guitar really looks like….or doesn’t look like. Lance has some killer videos on his Youtube channel, as well. Here’s just a small sample. He apparently is an air-mulit-instrumentalist.

Lance tearing it up(?) with an Air-drum solo