The Onion News Network scoops the competition once again.
Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.
I’ve always wondered why on Earth Barack Obama picked Joe Biden to be his VP. There must have been strategic gains that overcome Biden’s infamous tendency to put his foot in his mouth. Regardless, it makes for great comedy. Here’s the Vice President of the United States on the Today Show this morning doing his best to further panic the sheeple over the swine flu. Stay away from the airplanes and subway cars people.
Because these Iranian demonstrators just lack basic hardliner etiquette. Tsk, tsk. Apparently, these demonstrators are angry about…..oh, like it matters anymore.
WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation’s broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, “It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can’t catch a break.”
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